Entry: 3 steps Sunday, May 18, 2014



So this morning I got myself to realize that in order for one person to ask questions that the questions would need to be answered. Simple and obvious enough I know, yet I struggle with answering what I consider to be "obvious" things. I've also been trying to get the point across that you won't know what I want if you don't ask me. Something new I'm trying in order to fulfill my emotional needs. Guessing isn't the answer because in the end you only do things that YOU THINK I want or would like. And while yes, I might like them, they're probably not what's been on my mind or at the top of my wish list. There's a fine line between nice gestures and doing things you think I'd like. If you want to make a nice gesture it should be on your own time. If you want to do something I'd like then you should probably ask what I'd like to do, or have done. If you want to make plans that are secret then plan in advance with some date/time options.

So I took 2 steps forward just to get knocked 3 steps back today. By saying that it's ok to try asking me questions (since I'm trying to improve on talking), and in turn I answered the questions with less resistance, I was then confronted about the reasons I don't get asked questions in the first place. Never mind that I was asked and answered finally. Instead of being happy about it, and recognizing that after another week of hardship I was attempting to try again, I was reminded why it's so damn hard to bother. The next time I'm asked a question the wait time for a response will probably be much longer. Gave me a freakin' twitch. Ugh.


Mood: aggravated
Movie: Rambo
Song: Brook Valentine - Girl fight
Color: tip of a hot fire blue

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